The Sophomore Essay

As a member of the Honors Program at Susquehanna, I must fulfill certain requirements. For instance, I must take certain classes. This semester my honors class is Thought & Civilization. The section in which I'm enrolled is based on the concept of Romantic Novels and exploring why we read them and what they can tell us about civilization. I'm loving this class--except for the fact that we're on Wuthering Heights right now, and I hate it with every fiber of my being. The first book we tackled, Emma by Jane Austen, was much more enjoyable. I will also be required to complete a sophomore essay.    

Recently, everybody I know has been looking forward to next year, mostly in the flurry of determining who’s living with who and where, but this has also made me reflect on the matter of my sophomore essay.

Each Honors student enrolls in a 2 credit class where he or she works on the sophomore essay, which is a research-based project of their choice.  I must decide whether to take it in the fall or spring.  I also must decide on my topic.

I would really like to look at representations of faith in young adult novels.  I think the topic would keep my interest and be very reflective of my own curiosities.  In case it hasn’t been mentioned enough on this blog, I’m a Creative Writing major.  I love writing, and I love books, and I really do love the genre of YA.  My faith is also very important to me, and I hope to declare a Religion minor either before the end of this year or at the beginning of next year.  This research would combine all these different aspects of who I am.

Also, I am very interested in writing a YA novel that has a complex, respectful, real, and maybe even inspiring portrayal of the Christian faith. Whether that novel ends up in the Christian genre or is “mainstream” enough for secular shelves, I want to write about a character whose faith is important to him or her because, as someone who finds that’s the case in her own life, I don’t see that nearly enough in books.  Doing this research could definitely inspire me in this creative aspect.

One difficulty is that the essay has to be a “position paper”—something one can argue, and I don’t know exactly what angle I would take on that front.  Perhaps that the downplaying of faith in YA novels is a minimization of the actual role it—or at least questions about it—play in the lives of teenagers.  Maybe the argument will formulate when I’m in the throes of my research.  I’m also not sure who I’d get my faculty sponsor to be! 

Hopefully, these things will be clear in time, but I am very excited by the inkling of an idea I have right now. 

Stress!

The life of a college student can get pretty hectic. I knew that was true before, but it's really sinking in now.  Last semester I set a goal of becoming more involved in the Spring--and you could say I'm attaining it.  I'm a pledge of Alpha Phi Omega and am now a reading board member for SU's literary magazine RiverCraft.  Additionally, I still want to stay involved with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship, which, for me, might mean attending prayer group on Monday, "life group" or Bible study on Wednesday, and a large worship gathering on Thursday.  Oh yeah, and there's also schoolwork.  And work work.  And friendship.  And life. 

I'm already beginning to worry that I've put a bit too much on my plate, even if I'm not completely consumed by stress just yet.  Rather, I have that weighty sort of sensing-impending-doom type of stress.  I'm not immersed in all these activities yet and am very much at the beginning of some processes, but there's still a worry that I can't juggle everything and I'll have to drop a ball--and if I have to drop a ball, which one?

This all sounds a little dramatic, I'm sure.

And to be fair, I am a bit of a dramatic being.

The truth is, all my issues are typical.  My friends are dealing with similar stress right now and wondering how they'll make things work.  The thing is, a lot of people have made it work before us.  They've done as much, if not more, and made it to the other side.  And some did more than make it.  Some have heaped many things on their plate and excelled.  And sure, others may have been juggling too much and had to set some things aside, but you know what?  They made it too, in their own way.  They did what they needed to do to continue.

It'll be alright.

Being busy, after all, isn't the same as being important.  High GPAs and impressive resumes are nice, but they don't equate to fulfillment or meaning or happiness.  And failing in any aspect that I hope to juggle could be dissapointing, but it wouldn't be earth-shattering. Unless I let it be.     

This upcoming weekend, the Religious Life Council is hosting a Spring Retreat, which means escaping off-campus.  The more stressed I get, the more I am looking forward to this weekend as an opportunity to relax, get away, and be with God and people.  Hopefully it will reinforce the prior paragraph in my mind and heart, and I can carry some calm back with me to SU.

Literature Conference

Update: it went fairly well; here's a program!

Coming up at SU on February 21st is the annual Undergraduate Literature and Creative Writing Conference.  The theme is Literature and Creativity in the Digital Age.  I will be reading my short story "Routine" at this conference during a panel titled Literature and Gender 1.  I have never been a part of an academic conference before, so this will definitely be a first for me!

In an earlier post I talked a little about the conference and also about the story I'm reading.  It's titled "Routine," and I wrote it in Dr. Bailey's Intro to Fiction course last semester.  It's about a couple who meet on Halloween their freshman year of college.  The two characters, Belinda and Cyrus, are dramatically different.  Cyrus spent his Halloween drinking, then being offended by frat boys who treat creativity as a one night stand; Belinda is alone in her dorm room typing up an essay on The Fountainhead, dressed in costume, just to be festive.  And of course, in that story-like way, they have this whole opposites attract thing going on and fall for each other.  The story then takes us through multiple Halloweens with them and shows the decay of their relationship.

In that previous post, I also mentioned how nervous I was when I first received the program and found out I'd be reading during a panel on gender.  I'm still sort of scared that people will call me out for stereotypical gender roles--yes, the woman does want to get married, and yes, the guy is just terrible at commitment--and yet, I don't think I'm actually embarrassed by the role gender plays in my story.  The story may look at gender in a conventional way, but I don't think unconventional must always be preferred to conventional, if that makes any sense.   In attempts to combat gender stereotyping, and provide strong female role models, there's been an influx of sassy, spunky, snarky independent girls in books (specifically in my beloved YA genre)--and that's great, really.  But that is not representative of all girls.  Not every girl breaks the mold.  Some fall into it.  Some are domestic, and some are concerned with romance, and some are timid, and some are weak, and girls who fall into any of these traits aren't any less interesting to me just because those traits line up with some sort of female archetype.  Not if they are treated as complex, flawed people.  In Belinda, I wrote a character with whom I can relate, and I don't think that would be the case if I forced her into someone less stereotypical for her gender.

Thinking about being on this panel has provoked some thought in me, obviously.  I am hoping that it somehow manages to be thought provoking, in some way, to others.

Dances and Dig-Ins and Inductions, Oh My!

This weekend was another interesting one--and definitely very busy!

Karen and I before dancing Friday

Friday was a night of dances.  First friends and I headed out to the Freshman Valentines' Day dance in Reed.  After hanging out there for a while, we headed over to TRAX for the Sock Hop, sponsored by SU Swings!  Swing dancing is really cool...to watch.  I didn't have those kind of moves or basic coordination, so a few friend sand I headed back early.

Saturday started the InterVarsity Dig-In, a small conference that brought together students in InterVarsity Christian Fellowship at various colleges together to delve into a section of scripture, specifically the Sermon on the Mount.  Susquehanna actually hosted the conference this year.  At first it didn't feel like being on a conference since I was still on campus, but in the end I thought that it was really cool that, as a fellowship, we were able to experience intense Bible study and worship in places like the New Science Building or Faylor Lecture Hall.  SU students, along with students from Bucknell, hosted people overnight since the Dig-In continued into Sunday. My friends and I in Hass mostly hosted girls from Penn State.  It was funny to hear their opinions on the conditions of our residence halls (They seemed impressed! And they didn't even act as if my room in Hass was that small!), the size of our campus, and the many more stars in the sky.

Saturday night we took the students we were hosting over to Charlie's, the coffeehouse that is open at night on campus, where we met up with many people who were at the conference.  An enormous group of us ended up playing Catchphrase in Mellon Lounge, which is a part of our campus center.  It was basically the most intense game of Catchphrase I've ever played.   

On Sunday, after the end of the conference, it was back to the grindstone.  I already thought I had enough work when realized that my memoir--yes!  the memoir that I have been posting and angsting about!--completely slipped my mind. It was due out to my peers, it was already late, and I hadn't made any of the changes I had wanted. I shot out an e-mail saying I'd try to get the story to everyone by 5:30 and so sorry I was late. I had a few scenes handwritten that I wanted to add in, so I added those and tried to do a few of the other changes I'd been hoping to make.  Today will be my workshop on that piece.  As a perfectionist, I'm disheartened that it was late and not in the shape I would have liked it, especially since that's all my own fault, but I'm trying to look at it as a blessing in disguise--if I had the time to really work on it and think before sending it out, I may have let insecurity impact what I was writing.

I went to the Plugged-In Service at Church of the Nazarene that evening, a service specifically for college-aged people.  Afterward I headed over to Deg for dinner.  I grabbed some food from Benny's and ended up reading Wuthering Heights for my Thought & Civilization class in Mellon Lounge.  I was surprised by how productive I was without the distractions of friends or my laptop.  

At 9, I had my Alpha Phi Omega induction, which basically began my pledge process.  Alpha Phi Omega, as I have written in previous entries, is a coed service fraternity.  APO is divided up in families, and I am ecstatic to be part of the Hippo family.  I am also ecstatic that I got the Big (a mentor who takes you through the pledging process) I wanted and that I am sharing her with my friend Kathleen (this makes us "twins," in APO terminology)!  I didn't bring my camera with me, so I'm excited for those pictures to show up on Facebook.

The majority of the things that happened this weekend were super awesome, but I have been very busy. Perhaps the week will actually feel like a break in comparison? 

Sadly, I doubt this.  A lot.

Oh, and happy Valentine's Day!

Megan Tackles Memoir

Generally, all Creative Writing majors are supposed to take Intro to Creative Nonfiction their freshman year.   It’s been very interesting to see how some of my friends and I are taking to this genre with which we are not necessarily experienced.  Some are quite enjoying it and thinking that this may be the genre they’ll concentrate on in upcoming years.  Some—ahem, me—are struggling with it.                                                            

I posted earlier about writing my memoir piece and the vulnerability it entailed.  Pouring my soul onto the paper—that was hard.  And now, the prospect of rewriting it so it’s suitable to be workshopped next week—that’s even harder.   I feel as if I’ve already offered up so much of myself on paper already, and I have this kind of reluctance to give up any more.

Obviously, memoir writing involves a lot of self reflection.  I think of myself as a very reflective person, but I’m finding it difficult to pinpoints moments, or scenes, that will showcase how I’ve become the way I am, at least in certain regards.   I feel as if some of it I can’t explain; such-and-such trait is just in my nature.          

Memoir writing also involves more than reflecting; it requires reimagining.  All memoirs take a certain amount of liberty.  For instance, few people remember dialogue word-for-word from ten years ago, but dialogue is sometimes necessary in a memoir.  I am having trouble giving myself that sort of leeway.  I am a perfectionist, and I suppose that translates into an unreasonable desire for authenticity.                                      

The other issue for me is that I’m not a very visual person.   Important memories I don’t remember in a sensory way, but an emotional way.  I can easily access what I was feeling and what that moment meant to me, but I need more than that.  I need to paint pictures in the minds of my readers.   Struggles like this have made it difficult for me to write a memoir that reads like a story, rather than just my ramblings on life.

Something I’m worried about is that people in my class will judge my creative nonfiction as being representative of my writing skill.  I think that my fiction is a lot better, and I am pretty certain it is the genre I will pursue during my SU education.                                                                                     

There must be some benefit, though, from all of this.  Being able to confront my weaknesses through an unfamiliar genre will have to strengthen me in a way that can hopefully translate to my fiction.  In a way, it’s humbling.  And it also confirms my passion for fiction.  Plus, who knows?  I could have fallen in love with creative nonfiction.  Theoretically, I still can.

Theoretically, I might even fall in love with Poetry whenever it comes time to take that intro course.  I could end up saying goodbye to novels and fiction and dedicate myself solely to an art which, previously, I saved only for dabbling. 

I must admit, though, I'm not seeing this as likely. 

A Look at the Weekend

This weekend was a fairly interesting one.  I was in the midst of my little environmental-friendly experiment (for more information, see my previous entry; basically all you need to know is this meant reduced internet usage, eek!) as well as being temporarily roommate-less since my roommate had gone home for the weekend.  As could be imagined, with not much to entertain me in Rm. 301, I spent a fair amount of time harassing others with my presence in their rooms. 

On Friday, a friend from high school came up to visit.  It was a lot of fun to have him here.  At the same time, it was strange see someone from my high school world, so separate and distinct, mixing with my college world--my college friends.  We didn't do much while he was here, besides hit Benny's for some dinner, sit around in the hallway, and then move our sitting and chattering out into the lounge.  My college way of life seems to attest to the idea that you don't actually have to do much, or even go out anywhere, to have a good time.  After he left, I joined some friends in watching 500 Days of Summer, but I was feeling sick so I headed to bed a bit early.

Saturday, friends and I took the free shuttle service over to Wal-Mart, where I bought some Capri Sun, my personal college essential, water, tissues, and Ritz Crackers.  An added bonus to Wal-Mart: being able to get some McDonalds!  Nothing else exciting really happened until some friends and I headed over to TRAX.  I hadn't been there in a while, so it was a lot of fun to one, dress up, and two, get to dance.  Glitter was a part of the party theme, so a friend in the dorm helped glitterfy me.  Glitter is now all over my bed and probably elsewhere in my room.  But it was a really good time so maybe the glitter was worth it, as well as the ache in my feet as we trudged back to Hass.

Sunday, I went to chapel and then brunch (one of the greatest meals of the week at SU!).  I then headed to the library to make some changes to the draft of my memoir piece for Creative Nonfiction and then e-mailed it to Dr. Retief.  My conference about this piece is today, actually.  I'm pretty terrified--though not as much as I will be for workshop.  I've never really given anyone something this personal to read, especially not for critiquing purposes! Back at Hass, I watched The Little Mermaid with friends while finishing up some homework.  Then, finally, I went to InterVarsity's Super Bowl party, where I did a very poor job at paying attention. 

Overall, a good weekend, but I could've gone without the whole catching-a-cold component.

An Assorted Kind of Post

Right now I am on the first day of a 3-day Action Assignment for my Applied Biblical Ethics class, which is requiring us to make strides to be more environmentally friendly.  One of my plans is to use my laptop only when absolutely necessary, and in those cases, only run on battery.  As of now, it is shut down and unplugged.  If I do really crave or need computer use, I am trying to rely on the library computer lab.  This will be challenging to me--a verifiable internet addict. A few minutes after midnight, I was thinking, Oh no, what am I going to do?!  My plan is to treat this as a (not very restrictive) electronic fast.  Hopefully I'll be able to make use of that time I'd normally be wasting away online.  Other ideas I have is to limit myself to one plate at the caf (to save water/energy used in cleaning, as well as to prevent food waste) and to one napkin during meals.  I've also unplugged my cell phone charger and clock--after all, I have a cell phone!  It'll be interesting to see what challenges, as well as blessings, arise during this 3-day assignment.

In other news, I'm looking forward to SU's upcoming Undergraduate Literature and Creative Writing Conference.  For my Intro to Fiction class last semester, we were required to submit a proposal to the conference. I sent one for one of my short stories "Routine," which I described in that proposal as: "told through various Halloweens, [it] reveals the love and lack of love between Belinda, a repressed librarian and bookstore worker, and Cyrus, a photographer with wanderlust and big aspirations. As their married life progresses, it becomes clear that he prioritizes creativity over her."  I've been placed into the Literature & Gender panel.  When it's my turn, I'll read a portion of my story and audience members will be able to ask me questions.  This has definitely made me a bit nervous.  As I do some further editing of the piece, both for the conference and so I can submit to SU's literary magazine RiverCraft, I'll definitely be thinking about what it might have to say about gender.  Speaking of which, I also plan to submit an application to the magazine's reading board!

I have a lot of other things going on as well.  A friend from home is visiting me tonight.  I'm going to the InterVarsity Superbowl party on Sunday.  This weekend I need to work on my memoir so I can send it to Dr. Retief for my conference on Monday.  Also coming up, I plan to rush Alpha Phi Omega, the service fraternity on campus.  There are also a lot of events I'll be attending soon, like InterVarsity's Dig-In which is like a mini-retreat, hosted this year by SU, and Religious Life Council's Retreat.

Surely all of this will add up to good blogging inspiration!