Evaluating My Goals

For what may be my last post of the year, I wanted to take a look at some of the goals I set for myself this semester. After all the last day of a college class usually includes an evaluation of the course and the professor. This will just be a self-evaluation.

Here are those original goals.

1. Keep up with my New Year's resolution.
2.  Write more often, and not just for my Intro to Nonfiction class
3.  Read more often, and again, not just for class.

4.  Enlarge my social circle at Susquehanna.  Meet new people!  Make new friendships!
5.  Get involved in new activities, like Alpha Phi Omega, the service fraternity, or a reading board for a literary magazine.
6.  Procrastinate less.
7.  Study more.
8.  Cut down on my addition--fries!  

It’s kind of frightening to see how poorly I’ve executed these.   My New Year’s resolution was to follow a read-the-Bible in the year plan, but then I got behind and behind and more behind and now I’m super behind, so I’m deeming that a failure. I will try to catch up this summer. I’ve written in little spurts things unrelated to class, but not anything substantial.  I haven’t devoted enough time to reading for pleasure as I should have.  In fact, I’ve devoted, basically, no time. 

The social goal is one where I’ve made a bit more progress.  I’m not exactly overwhelmed with new friends, but I think I know more people now and know some people from first semester a bit better than I had.  I’m happy to say that number five has been completely achieved. I pledged Alpha Phi Omega—much of that experience came up in previous entries—and was on a reading board for RiverCraft.

My level of procrastination is probably quite similar to first semester, and I may actually have studied less.  Fries—well, I certainly don’t think I’ve increased my fry intake. Then again, I can barely think of that as a possibility!

Perhaps the top goal for next year should be to achieve more of my goals!

Wrapping Up

Including today, I have 11 days left on campus. I have often pontificated on this blog about how fast everything seems and how the year is practically over already, probably in an exaggerated fashion. Now it’s a reality. The year is almost over, and these next 11 days are a matter of wrapping things up.

Tonight I’ll be completing my last paper assignments for two of my courses, Sociology and Applied Biblical Ethics. For Sociology, I am writing an ethnography, basically a study on a society, based off the movie Shawshank Redemption. For Applied Biblical Ethics, I have to write a reflection on our final action assignment, which was to take a 24-hour period to live more deliberately—to live “unplugged” from media technology. I failed pretty miserably at it.  After these are turned in, I’ll only have exams left for these two classes.

I have one 5 page paper left for my Romantic Novels course which I have until May 7^th to write.  The biggest thing left to do is my portfolio for Intro to Nonfiction. Last semester I was very intense about my fiction portfolio. I did lengthy rewrites in a very short span of time (gah procrastination!).  Basically, by the end of it, I was a creatively drained portfolio zombie. I hope that prepping my nonfiction portfolio is not as huge of an undertaking.

One way I want to wrap up the year is with a final excursion to the used bookstore downtown. Yesterday, during my attempted 24-hour sans media, friends and I took a walk downtown. 3 of us were wearing jeans. A mistake since it was really, really hot during our walk. Unfortunately the bookstore was closed by that time, but we were able to stop in at The Kind Café and pick up drinks. I got a delicious strawberry-banana smoothie which I enjoyed as we sat outside. Friday the bookstore is opened later, so we’ll probably go then.

I’m looking forward to this upcoming weekend.  It’s basically our final weekend and is Spring Weekend here at SU. There are going to be different events, like a carnival and a circus party at TRAX. I’m not sure which events I’ll actually be attending, but I do know that I want to have a fun weekend with my friends before summer, even if we just end up staying inside and watching movies!

Speaking of summer, a part of wrapping up the school year is prepping for break.  For me and a lot of people, one aspect of prepping is finding a job.  I filled out lots of applications over Easter Break.  I haven’t been hired yet, but I am hoping something will pop up.  I also plan to do lots of writing this summer—finally, not for class!—as well as reading. And of course, hanging out a ton with my friends from home.

Oh yeah, and missing SU.     

Almost at Easter Break

Friday I had a workshop for my literary journalism piece in Intro to Creative Nonfiction, which was about me going to a dog expo where they had Dog Olympic Games and pet contests. I wasn’t feeling too great about the piece, but the workshop went a lot better than I thought; in the grand scheme of things, this piece might be the one that needs the least amount of revision, in comparison to my personal essay and memoir. Like Intro to Fiction, Intro to Creative Nonfiction ends with the turning in of a final portfolio. Whenever I try to think of all the assignments left before the year's end, I keep forgetting about it. Hopefully this doesn't continue. 

Relay Team in our super cool tent

Also on Friday, a group of friends from my floor in Hass headed off to Relay for Life, an event that lasted from 7 p.m. to 7 a.m. the next morning; it raises money for cancer research. It was held in the Field House part of the fitness center. They had activities and tables selling things to raise more money. The most touching aspect was the Luminara Lap, during which the lights went off and attendees lit bags around the track in remembrance of those who fought against cancer.  It was impacting to see just how many people have lost love ones due to cancer, and I felt very blessed and privileged that I have not yet undergone such a loss. I did a lot of walking. Seriously, that was probably more exercise than I’ve done all year. By the end of the night (or morning, I suppose), my feet were in terrible pain, and of course I was exhausted. I climbed into my bed and woke up around 2 p.m. that day. Basically, it threw off my sleeping schedule for the entire weekend. (Can I still blame it for my late start this morning?)

The rain and wind were very intense Saturday. My friend Lindsey and I ventured outside, in hopes of making it to Deg for dinner, but made it about five steps before retreating back indoors. We ended up ordering Domino’s. Sunday was a day for getting work done. I also went to the Bible Study at Dr. Martin and Dr. Bohmbach’s house, which was awesome as usual. Also exciting was my roommate coming back, who'd been home sick for a few days.

This weekend I was slightly stressed out because I have a lot of work coming up in these few days before Easter Break. I have two group presentations tomorrow, one for Applied Biblical Ethics on Female Genital Mutilation and one in Sociology on Underage Drinking, and an 8 page paper on the influence of narrative technique in Daisy Miller and The French Lieutenant’s Woman for Romantic Novels. I really am looking forward to break, though it would be smart for me to spend it working on other upcoming assignments. I have two final exams, a final portfolio, and two more papers due before the end of the year. Another source of stress is finding a job for the summer!  I've felt so busy and haven't set aside enough time to apply to jobs.  I really need to get on it this week, especially over break.

If only break could actually mean a break!

Tales of Tomorrow (and a bit of today...)

Again, another busy weekend is in the works.  Tomorrow is Lutheran Youth Day, a day in which middle and high school students come to Susquehanna's campus to worship, study the Bible, and this year, hear a concert from musician Rachel Kurtz.  I've volunteered to be a small group leader for that day.  SU students comprise the majority of the small group leaders (though I think some alumni are coming to help), and the event itself is organized by SU's Deacon of Service, who's a senior here.  I am really pumped for this experience, even if it means waking up early on a Saturday, because it'll be so new to me.  The last time I led a Bible study on a semi-regular basis was middle school!  And I've never really been in this position of guiding a group of people who are younger than I am.  While this adds to the excitement, it's also a relief that this new experience is not something I'm doing alone; each person has a co-leader working with them.

Also on Saturday is Air Band, which is one of the culminating events of Greek Week, during which the Greek organizations compete against each other.  In Air Band, each fraternity or sorority has members perform to a song.  This involves lip-syncing, dancing, costumes, and sets.  As a pledge (and a soon-to-be brother!), I'll be there to support Alpha Phi Omega.  Watching Greek Week thus far has been a somewhat strange experience.  It is very intense and competitive.  I will admit to not understanding Greek Week as clearly as I should--like, um, what does the winner get again?--but I do understand that I am very excited to be a part of Alpha Phi Omega.  It will be great if, during this week, at least a few more people gained respect for or even knowledge of this awesome service fraternity.

I've been focused so much on weekends on this blog--that's where the excitement's at!--but as for today, I'm very excited to only have one class at 3 p.m.  My Intro to Nonfiction course isn't meeting today because the professor is having conferences with students about their literary journalism pieces.  Speaking of which, I've already had my conference and blech, I have so much to rewrite!  Later on I have a meeting about my group project for Applied Biblical Ethics, which will end in a 25-30 minute presentation on an ethical dilemma.  Our ethical dilemma regards female circumcision and how we as Americans, as Christians, etc., should involve ourselves (or not involve ourselves) in changing or ending this practice.  Usually I'm hesitant about group projects, but my group is really great, and I think our presentation has the potential to be really informative.     

Spring Break--An Overview

It seems to happen whenever I set out to write a blog post, but again, I am impressed and slightly terrified at how fast this year is flying.  Today is my first day of classes post-Spring Break—the last quarter of the year!  I’ll admit, I was wishing for a few more days of break. 

I was lucky enough to have classes cancelled on Friday so I went home Thursday night.  When I got home, however, I still had to work on an essay for Romantic Novels that was due Friday at 4:00.  I, being me, had procrastinated.  The essay was about Wuthering Heights and Emma and how they portray intelligence in their female heroines.  This got sent in at 3:51 p.m., exactly 9 minutes before it was due.

Backstage during my last HS musical

Friday I did get to have some fun, though.  That evening I saw my high school’s musical.  My high school had a complete renovation since I’ve graduated.  It was very strange to be there—and it was especially strange to be viewing the musical, rather than being in it.  They performed The Wizard of Oz, and it was spectacular and adorable.  The effects, sets, and costumes were particularly great.  After the Friday show, the cast traditionally goes out to eat, and I suppose you could say I crashed.  It was nice to be able to spend time with friends in the show who I hadn’t seen in a while.

I also got to hang out with my friends Robert, Bev, and Kimber that weekend.  We went to Friendly’s for lunch and then headed back to Bev’s house to play a Wii game Just Dance.  My performance was horrifying—I think I lost every round I played—but it was still fun. 

Over break, I also had to go on a quest to find a paddle.  For Alpha Phi Omega, I have to decorate a paddle to present to my Big.  I’m worried about this since I lack all crafty skill.  At least I have a paddle and supplies, though.  When I went to Michael’s, there was only one paddle and it was cracked.  Then I went to A.C. Moore’s and they only had oak paddles that were very costly!  Fortunately, my dad was able to find a paddle for me at a different Michael’s.

A lot of my break was, admittedly, spent being lazy, sleeping in, watching television, going online, hanging out with my brother, etc.  The only schoolwork I really did was read Daisy Miller for Romantic Novels, not all that impressive since it’s a mere 81 pages, revise my personal essay a little for Intro to Creative Nonfiction (speaking of which, I have my conference about it today; I’m less nervous than last time, but not what I’d call excited) and go to PawsAbilities, a dog expo, for the experience component of my literary journalism piece. 

Maybe that laziness is why I’m missing it! 

Spring Break

In the world of television and movies, Spring Break equals hitting the beach with friends and going to wild parties and getting up to all sorts of college-aged shenanigans. In my world (and it seems like the world of most I’ve spoken to), Spring Break means getting to go home! It means relaxation and much watching of the television. It means getting together with friends. It means doing laundry because a massive amount of dirty clothing has accumulated in my dorm room closet. It means getting in a few volunteer hours towards my total for Alpha Phi Omega by going to the library where I volunteered all four years of high school. It means hopefully getting to go see my high school’s production of The Wizard of Oz. It means working on my literary journalism piece for Intro to Creative Nonfiction. It means sending in my application for housing next year. Two friends and I are both aiming for the Scholar’s House.

It also means I am halfway through my second semester of my freshman year of college, which I talked about in my previous post. It just sounds so kooky to me! I can’t believe I only have a quarter of the year left.

Even if I’m a bit freaked out by the quickness of this year, I have to admit how excited I am to go home. I’m very fortunate in that, unlike a lot of my friends, I can leave Thursday instead of Friday. My classes end at 4:05 Thursday, and both of my classes are cancelled the next day. It will also be awesome because my older brother will be picking me up and this is the first time he will get to see my dorm room in person. Also, I will be making him take me to Red Robin after he picks me up, which I’m currently craving as I type.

More so, I think this is a point in the semester where a lot of people, at least among my friends, are ready to escape from campus life for a bit. With midterms coming up, the task of figuring out rooming arrangements for next year, and a bunch of activities in full swing, the past few weeks have gotten a little rough. And though I love SU and am not and will never be the go-home-every-weekend kind of kid, I’m definitely ready, and definitely in need of, a stretch of time at home.

I only have to get through two more days, write a 6 to 8 page essay on 19th century romances (I have about 2 pages...procrastination!), and take a midterm in Applied Biblical Ethics tomorrow.  Not so bad in comparison to the schedules of many.  I'm almost free!

Dances and Dig-Ins and Inductions, Oh My!

This weekend was another interesting one--and definitely very busy!

Karen and I before dancing Friday

Friday was a night of dances.  First friends and I headed out to the Freshman Valentines' Day dance in Reed.  After hanging out there for a while, we headed over to TRAX for the Sock Hop, sponsored by SU Swings!  Swing dancing is really cool...to watch.  I didn't have those kind of moves or basic coordination, so a few friend sand I headed back early.

Saturday started the InterVarsity Dig-In, a small conference that brought together students in InterVarsity Christian Fellowship at various colleges together to delve into a section of scripture, specifically the Sermon on the Mount.  Susquehanna actually hosted the conference this year.  At first it didn't feel like being on a conference since I was still on campus, but in the end I thought that it was really cool that, as a fellowship, we were able to experience intense Bible study and worship in places like the New Science Building or Faylor Lecture Hall.  SU students, along with students from Bucknell, hosted people overnight since the Dig-In continued into Sunday. My friends and I in Hass mostly hosted girls from Penn State.  It was funny to hear their opinions on the conditions of our residence halls (They seemed impressed! And they didn't even act as if my room in Hass was that small!), the size of our campus, and the many more stars in the sky.

Saturday night we took the students we were hosting over to Charlie's, the coffeehouse that is open at night on campus, where we met up with many people who were at the conference.  An enormous group of us ended up playing Catchphrase in Mellon Lounge, which is a part of our campus center.  It was basically the most intense game of Catchphrase I've ever played.   

On Sunday, after the end of the conference, it was back to the grindstone.  I already thought I had enough work when realized that my memoir--yes!  the memoir that I have been posting and angsting about!--completely slipped my mind. It was due out to my peers, it was already late, and I hadn't made any of the changes I had wanted. I shot out an e-mail saying I'd try to get the story to everyone by 5:30 and so sorry I was late. I had a few scenes handwritten that I wanted to add in, so I added those and tried to do a few of the other changes I'd been hoping to make.  Today will be my workshop on that piece.  As a perfectionist, I'm disheartened that it was late and not in the shape I would have liked it, especially since that's all my own fault, but I'm trying to look at it as a blessing in disguise--if I had the time to really work on it and think before sending it out, I may have let insecurity impact what I was writing.

I went to the Plugged-In Service at Church of the Nazarene that evening, a service specifically for college-aged people.  Afterward I headed over to Deg for dinner.  I grabbed some food from Benny's and ended up reading Wuthering Heights for my Thought & Civilization class in Mellon Lounge.  I was surprised by how productive I was without the distractions of friends or my laptop.  

At 9, I had my Alpha Phi Omega induction, which basically began my pledge process.  Alpha Phi Omega, as I have written in previous entries, is a coed service fraternity.  APO is divided up in families, and I am ecstatic to be part of the Hippo family.  I am also ecstatic that I got the Big (a mentor who takes you through the pledging process) I wanted and that I am sharing her with my friend Kathleen (this makes us "twins," in APO terminology)!  I didn't bring my camera with me, so I'm excited for those pictures to show up on Facebook.

The majority of the things that happened this weekend were super awesome, but I have been very busy. Perhaps the week will actually feel like a break in comparison? 

Sadly, I doubt this.  A lot.

Oh, and happy Valentine's Day!

Megan Tackles Memoir

Generally, all Creative Writing majors are supposed to take Intro to Creative Nonfiction their freshman year.   It’s been very interesting to see how some of my friends and I are taking to this genre with which we are not necessarily experienced.  Some are quite enjoying it and thinking that this may be the genre they’ll concentrate on in upcoming years.  Some—ahem, me—are struggling with it.                                                            

I posted earlier about writing my memoir piece and the vulnerability it entailed.  Pouring my soul onto the paper—that was hard.  And now, the prospect of rewriting it so it’s suitable to be workshopped next week—that’s even harder.   I feel as if I’ve already offered up so much of myself on paper already, and I have this kind of reluctance to give up any more.

Obviously, memoir writing involves a lot of self reflection.  I think of myself as a very reflective person, but I’m finding it difficult to pinpoints moments, or scenes, that will showcase how I’ve become the way I am, at least in certain regards.   I feel as if some of it I can’t explain; such-and-such trait is just in my nature.          

Memoir writing also involves more than reflecting; it requires reimagining.  All memoirs take a certain amount of liberty.  For instance, few people remember dialogue word-for-word from ten years ago, but dialogue is sometimes necessary in a memoir.  I am having trouble giving myself that sort of leeway.  I am a perfectionist, and I suppose that translates into an unreasonable desire for authenticity.                                      

The other issue for me is that I’m not a very visual person.   Important memories I don’t remember in a sensory way, but an emotional way.  I can easily access what I was feeling and what that moment meant to me, but I need more than that.  I need to paint pictures in the minds of my readers.   Struggles like this have made it difficult for me to write a memoir that reads like a story, rather than just my ramblings on life.

Something I’m worried about is that people in my class will judge my creative nonfiction as being representative of my writing skill.  I think that my fiction is a lot better, and I am pretty certain it is the genre I will pursue during my SU education.                                                                                     

There must be some benefit, though, from all of this.  Being able to confront my weaknesses through an unfamiliar genre will have to strengthen me in a way that can hopefully translate to my fiction.  In a way, it’s humbling.  And it also confirms my passion for fiction.  Plus, who knows?  I could have fallen in love with creative nonfiction.  Theoretically, I still can.

Theoretically, I might even fall in love with Poetry whenever it comes time to take that intro course.  I could end up saying goodbye to novels and fiction and dedicate myself solely to an art which, previously, I saved only for dabbling. 

I must admit, though, I'm not seeing this as likely. 

A Look at the Weekend

This weekend was a fairly interesting one.  I was in the midst of my little environmental-friendly experiment (for more information, see my previous entry; basically all you need to know is this meant reduced internet usage, eek!) as well as being temporarily roommate-less since my roommate had gone home for the weekend.  As could be imagined, with not much to entertain me in Rm. 301, I spent a fair amount of time harassing others with my presence in their rooms. 

On Friday, a friend from high school came up to visit.  It was a lot of fun to have him here.  At the same time, it was strange see someone from my high school world, so separate and distinct, mixing with my college world--my college friends.  We didn't do much while he was here, besides hit Benny's for some dinner, sit around in the hallway, and then move our sitting and chattering out into the lounge.  My college way of life seems to attest to the idea that you don't actually have to do much, or even go out anywhere, to have a good time.  After he left, I joined some friends in watching 500 Days of Summer, but I was feeling sick so I headed to bed a bit early.

Saturday, friends and I took the free shuttle service over to Wal-Mart, where I bought some Capri Sun, my personal college essential, water, tissues, and Ritz Crackers.  An added bonus to Wal-Mart: being able to get some McDonalds!  Nothing else exciting really happened until some friends and I headed over to TRAX.  I hadn't been there in a while, so it was a lot of fun to one, dress up, and two, get to dance.  Glitter was a part of the party theme, so a friend in the dorm helped glitterfy me.  Glitter is now all over my bed and probably elsewhere in my room.  But it was a really good time so maybe the glitter was worth it, as well as the ache in my feet as we trudged back to Hass.

Sunday, I went to chapel and then brunch (one of the greatest meals of the week at SU!).  I then headed to the library to make some changes to the draft of my memoir piece for Creative Nonfiction and then e-mailed it to Dr. Retief.  My conference about this piece is today, actually.  I'm pretty terrified--though not as much as I will be for workshop.  I've never really given anyone something this personal to read, especially not for critiquing purposes! Back at Hass, I watched The Little Mermaid with friends while finishing up some homework.  Then, finally, I went to InterVarsity's Super Bowl party, where I did a very poor job at paying attention. 

Overall, a good weekend, but I could've gone without the whole catching-a-cold component.

Writing and Vulnerability

This semester I am taking Introduction to Creative Nonfiction with Dr. Glen Retief.  Although I maintain this blog, have kept journals, and have written for my high school newspaper and Susquehanna Currents, creative nonfiction is a much different beast than those things.  Currently, our class is in the memoir unit.  Our assigned exercise was to recreate a memory in 1 to 3 pages.  As I worked on this yesterday, I certainly—and deeply—felt that different. 

The moments I feel most drawn to write about are inevitably the most embarrassing for me.  Putting them on the page, with the intention of later sharing them, requires a vulnerability with which I’m not very familiar.  Sure, vulnerability is something I can channel into my preferred genre of choice, fiction, but it’s disguised.   At the end of the day, the story is about my characters.  The emotions belong to them, even if they were taken from mine.  Saying This is my life.  This is me.  These are my feelings is a vulnerability of another variety.  One that’s raw and fresh.    

There is basically no way the subject of my scene will ever find out about it.  After all, it’s just an exercise!  The topic for my memoir is not even firmly decided yet.  And still, I ask myself these questions: What if someone from my high school got their hands on this?  They’d know who I was writing about, wouldn’t they?  It would be so clear, even if I changed names.  And while I don’t believe I paint this person in a negative light, it would certainly change their perception of me.   That paranoid has potential to be paralyzing.   

Also, I’m normally not afraid of sharing my work.  Rip apart my words!  Please!  But sharing myself—again, a totally different beast.   I know that when it comes to workshops, the class will be there to aid and critique my writing, not critique my life, but that doesn’t mean there’s a fear that while they talk about structure and characterizations, they’re internally ripping to shreds my life, personality, and choices. 

All of this, I suppose, is why there is a Confidentiality Policy instated for the course.   I now appreciate its importance. 

In the end, fear and awkwardness were set aside, and I wrote the required scene.  I also began feeling attracted to other instances of my life that could relate so well to this moment.  In my brain, this exercise to prepare for memoir was turning into a memoir.  And though I’ve been approaching Nonfiction with a certain dose of hesitance, I’ll admit, I even had some fun toying with these prospects. 

The direction I think I can take this in will only mean more vulnerability.  More recent wounds and revelations.  More potential humiliation if somehow my words were unleashed, getting back to the sources of their inspiration. 

When I get to the end of this course, I hope that I can say I didn’t hold back.  I hope that fighting off those feelings and submerging myself in vulnerability will be worth the results. 

Literary Journalism

For Introduction to Creative Nonfiction, I have to do a literary journalism piece. Basically, literary journalism asks the writer to immerse him or herself in an unfamiliar situation, culture, or person, and go from there. Today, 1:45 to be exact, I have a conference with my professor, Dr. Retief, to go over my ideas. Brainstorming has spawned a lot of hilarity (speed dating was considered seriously for a millisecond), but these are the ideas that I’ll probably be presenting:

My first option would be exploring Unitarianism. Faith is very important to me, and I want to explore that in my writing. It would be interesting for me to really examine a religious perspective that is different from my own. I think this could be especially informative because, though I have basic background knowledge, I admittedly lack full understanding. One of my best friends from home is a Unitarian, and I should be able to go to church with her over Spring Break.

Another option might be to familiarize myself with Quakers. A friend from home is a Quaker, and I can ask if I can attend a Meeting with her over break. I also know SU has a Quaker group on campus. I believe they worship on Sundays at 11:00 so, in that aspect, this option would be pretty easy to work into my schedule.

A very different route, but probably even more unfamiliar to me, would be doing something with animals. I’ve considered events like a dog show or a pet expo. My family has always done terribly with pets, and individually I’ve always done terribly with animals, specifically dogs. Something I just found that might fit this would be attending PawsAbilities 2011 at the Farm Show Complex in Harrisburg, which includes events like a Cutest Dog Contest and Dog Olympics.

Any way I choose to take this project, and I’m sure Dr. Retief will provide some guidance regarding that decision, there will be a certain amount of risk-taking involved. I have to interview people for my Assistantship at Susquehanna Currents, and I’ve interviewed in the past, so I should have those skills. It’s the immersing part, though, that can be a bit frightening for someone who can be quite reserved at first.

I’ll admit to a certain amount of anxiety. But hopefully a good piece, or the framework for one, will come out of whatever experience I have.